Anything you can do; I can do better.

Competition - the act or process of trying to get or win something (such as a prize or a higher level of success) that someone else is also trying to get or win (Britannica Dictionary)

Ever since the first organism crawled out of the primordial ooze, the principle that drove the entire evolution was survival of the fittest. The predator that is the smartest and the strongest will eat while the weak one will perish. Even in a pack, the strongest eat first, while the weak are allowed to feed on the leftovers. For the pray as well, the strong specimen will survive as they are the most resourceful they will be able to get out of harm's way without an issue. That also extends to romance if we can call it that. The best specimen will have no problems finding a mate and creating offsprings. There is this documentary I saw about a peacock’s mating ritual. He was trying to show his beautiful plumage and impress her but while he was doing his dance, he kicked a rock, and she had the attention span of a fruit fly, so all his hard work went to waste because she just walked away. Oh, well. Can’t get them all.

Then there is us. Everything is faster, bigger, and stronger than us and yet, we have managed to take over the entire planet and thrive and all of that with the power of our mind. Ingenuity was one of our strongest weapons. It allowed us to adapt and overcome, to create weapons to allow us to overcome our shortcomings. The human mind continues to find new ways of improving the way we live, and all become we can dream our dreams and then find ways to make them real. What is considered the best in people is also very nuanced though. Is it looks, is it wealth, is it size, charisma, knowledge? The possibilities are endless.

It starts young. When children first come into the world, they have infinite potential and no self-awareness so if they are asked who is the strongest and who is the fastest, they will all raise their hands. As they develop, if they are asked they will provide a name. They now have measurable standards, and they know exactly where they are in the hierarchy. Then here come the grades. They are an indication of one adult's opinion of how well you did on a certain day. All of them together decide a person’s academic future and all those grades decide what school you can go to. Then one finishes university and here we are in the workforce, competing for jobs, promotions, bonuses, training, and projects, and since everything happens behind the screen of confidentiality, one does not know how hard they have to work because they do not indicate where the competition is. You are swimming in your lane but instead of goggles, you have blinkers, and you know what you got as a result of your work but if it is not a clear promotion or a new job, you just don’t know. Treat them mean, keep them keen seems to apply here.

Now, let’s turn the TV on together and what do we see? A cooking competition, a dancing competition, a singing competition, a quiz show, and then the big world of sports. When we do not compete ourselves, we relax with other people competing and we sit and comment on how they could have done better. I love watching the documentaries showing athletes’ careers. They have always focused on themselves, worked hard, adjusted, and then went to competitions and saw where they were in terms of comparing with other people. They watch films and they see how others achieve their results, and they learn from other people’s performance just as much as they learn from their results. I love seeing them interacting with other athletes and while they will give it their all, they are still friends outside the court, field, whatever. I give you this story in contrast. In one of my jobs, I have put together a project for improving team collaboration. As part of that project, I had to come up with a recognition method that didn’t need any funding so, I came up with a star that is given to the person that does the most requests, and they can choose where the team goes on the night out as a reward. No money since we were paying for our drinks. I then left the team not thinking much of it. The project has been put into practice and the starts have started to be awarded. Months later, I found out that people were fighting, and hard words were thrown because the same person kept on getting the star. Oh, how I love the human psyche and behaviour! Athletes fighting for world recognition and million-dollar contracts can be friends, but a cardboard star can break an entire team of corporate people.

Have you ever had someone compare themselves to you right in your face? Making the calculations of what he has going for them, finding themselves better, and heaving a sigh of relief? I have. I looked at the person in front of me and asked myself if they realized they said it aloud cause surely that was an inner monologue thing. I then asked myself how many times they had done that before. How many times have I been punished when they found themselves lacking I could remember looks of disgust, statements full of disdain, and nostrils flaring with a downcast look while I spoke about my successes. Nothing hurts more than trying to share your triumphs with someone you care about and seeing how your success hurts them. I am not one to gloat because I never really expect success as a given so when it happens I think it is more gratitude and surprise if anything.

Some people are obsessed with competition. They need it to keep them motivated and they somehow feel that if they don’t come up on top, they are nothing so, they will stop at nothing to ensure they are the winner. Have you ever competed with someone and not even realized it until you have seen them celebrate how they were better than you at something you care nothing about? You are not competing with them but in their mind, they are competing with you. You see that they compare clothes, makeup, tidiness, work achievements, and progression in life. I have had someone tell me how great I looked and how they wished they had my body, then go on a diet and try to exercise more than I do. I was then comparing my body to how I was before, and I mentioned how I wanted to get back to that shape and they said that I shouldn’t want anybody’s body. Well, hold on. I challenged and reminded them of their statement only to be told that they were just saying that to encourage me. Oh, is that right so, what you are telling me is that you are a liar, and I can’t trust anything you say because I have never asked for compliments.

 I have had Bruno being compared which is insane because Bruno is magical, and nobody can ever match him. He is perfect from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail, and I don’t care if other dogs are astronauts and can fly to the moon, I will never think that any dog is better. I was returning from a hike, and we stopped at a fast-food restaurant. The guy in the window clocked Bruno and the man got excited to the point that he started calling every person in the shop to come and see him. The person I was in the car with just snapped back that they also had a dog in the front, but the guy didn’t care, he was enamoured with Bruno. I smiled cause I go daft for his cute face all the time and when the guy said that we come back any time and bring the dog too, they got a snappy reply. Different people love different types of dogs, it’s not that deep. There were plenty of people that were super impressed with their dog and how cute she was so, I couldn’t understand the drama.

I had somebody that I was on the dating apps at the same time with and we would exchange opinions and talk about matches and stuff. At some point, she was asking how guys talked to me, and they didn’t quite talk to her. I didn’t have the answer to that. I was just myself and men seemed to respond to that for whatever reason. She understood that we were not comparing the same people so, like the little data scientist that she was, she decided to start hitting on the same men I was talking to. Even more so, using our friendship to get information about them to try and start conversations with them and make it seem like they have things in common based on what I told her. She did that on four different occasions. Whenever those men would not respond to her like she was expecting, all of a sudden they were horrible people that didn’t deserve me, and it would have been best for me to break contact with them and seek people that were better for me. I couldn’t wrap my head around this. We are meant to be friends, you know what I am going through, and you decide that you are going to go on an ego trip. Needless to say, we are not friends anymore.

I would watch those movies where the girl is so mad that everybody else has things that she wants, and she feels that they are living her life. I could never understand that mindset. I can see that other people have things that I want, and I do get sad for myself that I am unable to get them, but I can also be genuinely happy for the people that have made it. We are different people, I can’t take their shine, and they can’t take mine away. It is not like there is a finite quantity of opportunity and happiness in the world and if this person gets some, she takes some from me. We can all succeed, and we can all achieve. I have had times where I was happy to compete with my ex and if I beat him in like cars, a board game, or a videogame, I would be so happy because I thought that he was good at them and if I beat him, it meant that I was doing well for myself.

I suppose that my personality is more focused on connection rather than individual achievement. Of course, I want things for myself, and I have goals for myself but, I don’t have that cutthroat, step-over-bodies-to-success mentality. I am more of a we can shine together kind of person. I adore people who are highly achieving, and they mentor people and give their time to help them achieve their goals. There are some examples that I met over time that are the embodiment of Women supporting Women. Whenever you feel down, they don’t look down on you, but they offer encouragement, they make space for you, and they offer support to help you get to that new stage. I can only hope to make them proud of all the help that they have offered me.

The only real competition that I subscribe to is the one with myself. How was I doing yesterday and how do I compare today? Have I grown? Am I learning? My highest goal is to be the most genuine version of myself so, how can I compete with anybody at being me? We are all born with different attributes and while we can learn skills throughout our lives, we can make them shine differently. I am going to help as many people as I can at every opportunity that I get. I will ask people to share their secrets with me and I want to make the world my teacher. Everybody has a story to tell and there is something to learn from every person. Some tell you about their mistakes, and some tell you about their successes. Some tell you about their struggles and how they overcame them. Everything can make me think and give me a clue about myself, an idea of how I can become better, or expose a flaw that I need to work on. In the words of Dr Seuss: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”